Who wouldn’t want a bigger penis? Don’t answer that! Otherwise, you may ruin the marketing scheme of PenisMaster.com. The company, which manufactures a number of penis enhancement devices, has managed to collide the world of willy enhancement spam with the world of 3D printing spam.
In a recent YouTube video, a penis is outfitted with a futuristic and terrible device meant to extend the foreskin of its wearer to somehow enlarge the penis. The reason anyone would humiliate themselves like this? Because, as the video’s description explains, “it’s not penis length that women are concerned about — it’s girth, a new study suggests.” See, the description points out that, in a study, “41 women viewed and handled penises made on a 3D printer. The models were blue, and ranged in size from 4 inches long and 2.5 inches in circumference to 8.5 inches long and 7 inches in circumference. They were asked to pick which of the 33 models they would prefer for a one-time partner, and which they would prefer for a long-term partner.”
Unfortunately for the world, the video description is quoting (without citation!) a report on an actual UCLA study. What the description doesn’t say is that the study was performed by an undergrad, that 41 college females is not a great representative sample, and that, as RationalWiki explains, the only penis “enhancement” techniques that actually “work” are surgical in nature. But that doesn’t keep the world from being a terrible place in which ontological uncertainty (what are we? what is life? what the hell is going on around here?) has been translated into sexual insecurity (penis size = good sex = self worth = ontological satisfaction) taken advantage of to sell pointless crap.
Bravo, PenisMasters! You are truly the Masters of Penis, for creating a product that combines the SEO spam of “3D printing” with the time honored spam of “male enhancement”. If, rather than stretch and, potentially, injure your penis this New Year’s day, you might try connect with a sexual partner on a meaningful level and, as Prince would say in the song below, “do it metaphysically.” For true “male” “enhancement”, listen to “This Could Be Us”:
